Tomorrow at this time the New Year will be minutes away and we'll be preparing to bring in 2010.
Each year brings me more to learn, more to live through, and more experiences to explore and grow from. The lessons continue, the goals are still sought after, and my mind teaches me over and over what I want in life, what really matters and just what to expect from people, myself and the universe.
I've said this many times before but one of the greatest things about growing older I have found for me, is the knowledge of the difference between a crisis and an event. Things seem to matter a whole lot less, while still others matter more. You learn what are the "little things" and that everything can be just that if you think the right way.
You care a whole lot less about your waistline and much more about your "lifeline". The people around you, the support, love, and care you get from the ones closest to you, whom you can trust, and how far you would have to reach if you ever needed help.
Gratitude has become the daily stepping off point from which I try to build my day around.
I have a loving partner who while not perfect in every way, is perfect in all the ways that I need the most, and which I can fully depend and trust on when times get really tough to be there for me and who will not abandon me.
A beautiful new life with four legs who has brought me closer to loving another one of God's creatures and who has taught me to show up for a commitment and stay with that commitment even when I was sick, tired, or just not feeling "it". In return I have been given unconditional love from her and many smiles and much laughter.
I have lived yet another year Cancer free. And this is all that matters. Not what next year will bring, but that this year, I have been given another year without Cancer in my body and 12 months of being alive.
My sobriety, my job, my friends both old and new, and my creativity all are gifts that have continued to shower and surround me all year long. And for all of these things I am enormously grateful and thankful for.
It really is good to be alive, and it's even better to be able to appreciate and be grateful for the gift of what living really is. It could definitely be far worse.
This coming year my goals are to be more positive in my attitude, thoughts and in my words. To pay less attention to negativity, energy, people and sources that help keep me down and self-centered with judgement and fear.
To finally try and make it back to my artwork. To create and paint pieces that reflect who I am and relay my messages and experiences from the past few years.
To return to the book I started writing and to make a commitment to finish it.
And lastly to care more for my body, soul, and spirit by staying more disciplined with my meds, taking time daily to meditate, and getting back to the gym and a better diet to better my body and overall quality of health and life.
I wish each of you all of the above and still more in 2010. I thank you for being my friends and for all of the support, love, and care you have exchanged with me over this past year.
May 2010 bring you, your family, and loved ones the best of health, great happiness, love, and a spirit of peace all year long.
With love,
Brian
